At 1:11 in the morning I browse explicit gore websites and only click on posts showing dead girls. The first post is a set of crime scene photos of a Thai girl who hung herself in a garage. She is wearing a short black dress and one of her shoes has fallen off and for some reason her eyes are censored out as her feet rest on a red metal stool. She is suspended in air, one end of a belt tied to a pipe in the ceiling, the other end around her neck. She has drool coming out of her mouth. The belt she hung herself with was leopard patterned and she is definitely fuckable. Down in the comments section people are talking about how she was lucky not to have shit herself. One guy insists that it’s still possible that she did shit herself, despite the lack of visual evidence in the pictures. He says maybe she was wearing really tight underwear, so tight in fact, that not even shit could leak out. I’m not too sure about the validity of his theory but it’s a comforting thought nonetheless.

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i like to make lawnmower sounds when i cum.
or like motorcycle noises, vrrrrrrooom.
or like a leaky radiator, hisssssssssssss.
or a self-oscillating lawn sprinkler, tk tk tk tk.
immediately after i cum i start to cry, which usually freaks out the prostitute.
one time i fucked a crack whore in the ass for five dollars and she smelled like burnt plastic which i knew was how crack smelled when you smoked it.
i knew this because when i was 6 my dad kidnapped me and when i was found 6 days later i was in a van parked on brighton ave with 6 grown men inside who were all smoking crack and all hailed from the mean streets of coastal ukraine.

the good news is i no longer have testicular pain immediately following orgasm. the bad news is im going to kill myself tonight. ill do it by jumping out of the window. I live on the sixth floor so it should be high enough to do the trick. on second thought, maybe ill go up to the roof and jump from there just to make sure because when i do something i really do it. when i die, i really wanna die. i wanna die until death. until all the facebook death announcements have been made and an acceptable amount of sad emojis have been conveyed.

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the good news is my State Mandated Testicular Castration went well. the bad news is they didnt properly sedate me so i felt everything. although The State now says that Not Feeling Things is a sign of Toxic Masculinity which ironically is also punishable by State Mandated Castration, so in a way its good that i felt every moment as they slowly chopped away at my testicles with the Dirty State Funded Scalpel. the Peoples Surgeon who performed the procedure was a Masculine Identifying Lesbian who was actually born a male and shym sneered with disgust as shym snipped away at me and i couldnt help but feel guilty at how angry the patriarchy and by extension myself had made sher. although the patriarchy was officially made illegal in the year 2078 and straight white males have been banned from holding any Office Of Power. it still must be really tough for sher.