i cry a lot and feel real bad but then i get real high and smoke a bowl for 3 hours straight while watching the home shopping network and infomercials that make me horny and i masturbate to one of them about brazilian butt lifting but my dick hole burns when i come and it also burns when i pee and then i start feeling like i constantly have to pee but no pee comes out so i stand over the toilet for an hour while every now and then one sad drop of pee comes out and at some point i think i might start peeing blood but i never do so i start crying again then take another shower…    

Part 2

the vagina is pulsating and alive as she repeatedly crashes down onto my face, it opens up, smiles then grins its menacing teeth as it drools all over me, taunts me then says in a satanic voice, “you worthless shit, i’m going to eat your dick”
“Good. I want you to.” Its hairs grow, transform into vines that wrap themselves around my neck and they feel like icy fingers, i start to choke, feels good, i want to die, people are watching, laughing, crying, various fluids fly through the air as her fat ass settles down on to my face, crushes the life from me, i hard french kiss her pussy, stick my tongue deep in it, taste the sickly sweet juice inside, i bite her clit very hard and she squeezes my balls in return which makes me bite her harder which makes her squeeze more, an endless pain/pleasure cycle and everything goes black as i lose my vision but then the blackness turns into spirals of neon color, flowers blossom then die, a baby cries, her pussy bites me back and a sitcom laugh track plays loudly as i insert my entire head into her.

third day in a row without sleeping and at 4:30 in the morning i smoke a godfather for dolo then chase a hermit crab through my apartment then i eat a hand full of marijuana seeds and stems and realize it’s the first thing i’ve eaten in two days so i get on delivery.com and order from the diner the following:

  • Five Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburgers Mashed Up Into a Giant Ball
  • Extra Hamburger Buns With The Insides Scooped Out On Second Thought I Just Want The Scooped Out Parts
  • One of Those Classic Anthora NYC Coffee Cups Full Of Pickle Juice
  • An Incredible Amount of Mayonnaise, So Much Mayonnaise
  • A Filthy Pair of Panties, Dont Care Whomst They Were Worn By
  • A Pack of GPC’s or Unfiltered Lucky Strikes
  • A Medical Grade Tourniquet

then i realize i probably have to put fucking pants on now and also how i haven’t seen another human being since sunday and actually today is sunday which casts like a giant gloomy shadow of doubt and insanity over everything.
so i do some ketamine.
do too much ketamine
and some time later all i can do is listen to the sound of the delivery mexican banging on the door saying ‘hello hello senor senor’ as i lay paralyzed, drooling on the floor and I try to say ‘help me i can’t move’ i really do but instead end up sounding something more like a piano being gang raped by a deaf r&b singer while going through a meat grinder on the tarmac at jfk.

I walk in slow motion through a dreary basement dungeon past a man hanging in a harness while 3 or 4 people take turns fisting his asshole. Past a woman crucified on a giant wooden X, tied in place by her wrists and ankles by leather straps, a plastic KeyFood bag tied over her head, she gasps for air in ecstasy as two other women leather clad in replica SS Officer uniforms slash her small sweaty tits with medical grade scalpels. Past two men making out naked, covered in blood, using the thick red liquid to jerk each other off. Past a filthy mattress with a naked sleeping pregnant woman with the word ‘fuckslut’ written on her huge pregnant stomach in red lipstick. Still walking in slo-mo, the ketamine more or less starting to wear off, I moonwalk over to a small circular table where sits a familiar face: Stan. Or Steve? is cutting up lines of some pink powder, his sweat pants freshly wet with unknown body fluids.

“What’s up Stan, Steve, whatever the fuck your name is”

He continues cutting up lines, a dozen of them in 2 rows of 6, they are perfect, symmetrical, identical, on top of an old AOL free trial CD case, and he stares at the lines, transfixed, then says, flat and emotionless, “my names Chad”

part 2

then i look at gore on the internet and get on a huge ISIS kick and watch videos of:

  • them playing soccer with severed heads,
  • children decapitating men,
  • men getting their hands cut off by huge rusty scimitars in front of like a million people in some shithole dusty town square in Assfuckistan


  • endless montages of them firing big guns and missiles at nothing in particular and saying ‘allahu akbar allahu akbar’ while doing the running man and other culturally outdated dance moves as their hadji nightmare theme music plays.

then i stumble on a bunch of snackbar fails which are like terrorist blooper videos of when their cannons and mortars backfire and they blow themselves up by accident and it’s hysterical and i laugh hysterically every time one of them dies. It’s fucking hysterical.  

feel hungry then notice i haven’t blinked for the past half hour and the pages of my journal are stained with fresh liquid so i take the journal and throw it against the fucking wall then i:

  • do weird shit to my dick,
  • blink uncontrollably like a fucking retard,
  • squeeze my ass and rub my belly and vice versa

then watch akira in hd and get a hard on when the clowns rip kaori’s shirt off and punch her in the stomach then download super hi res close up images of gaping vaginas and rub my dick painfully onto my computer screen then cum into a styrofoam cup then throw the cup out of the window and watch it slowly float down 6 flights then wait 20 minutes for my slut ex-wife to come and drink it but she never does so i watch 24 hour news instead but only for like five minutes or so.

at 1:30 in the morning the acid kicks in and i start organizing reorganizing the clothes in my closet while grinding my teeth and listening to dubstep on headphones at full volume and when the beat drops i picture:

  • myself screaming at the top of my lungs,
  • my guts exploding,
  • children bathed in blood,
  • burning everything down with fire,
  • smiling awkwardly while posing for a picture next to my father’s tombstone when i was 15 as he rotted in the soil directly underneath my feet.

then i start to see the lights:

  • strobe lights,
  • flashing lights,
  • neon lights,
  • streaks of light going in every direction that all intersect at the crossroads of nothing and forever.

then i organize reorganize the massive porno collection on my computer and jerk off for 3 hours straight but i can’t seem to come but then all of a sudden i manage to come out of nowhere even though i’m not even jerking off and my dick isn’t hard.

then i take a shower but i can’t feel the water so i take its word for it and look at the water with my eyes closed while scrubbing my asshole clean with unscented soap.