work was stressful and i want to blow off some steam so when i get home i start trolling various prostitutes on craigslist and eroticreview with impossible requests like asking them if they can accommodate a giant dildo shaped like a horse cock or if any of them were okay with first breaking into then having sex at the old soviet preschool i attended from the age of 4 to 6 where the teachers would beat the shit out of me and refuse to give me my anemia medicine and pull my hair out when i made fun of their stupid russian accents. on the phone one mexican whore named maria said she could accommodate the horse dildo but hung up on me when i asked her if she was interested in purchasing the one i owned instead then i jerked off to a porn clip of a girl actually taking a horse dildo into her ass and i didn’t get off on it because of the horse cock, i got off on it because she was really good at pretending like she enjoyed it. the orgasm was decent despite jerking off 17 times yesterday and not drinking any fluids for the past 3 days.

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For my bachelor party my friends had decided to pitch in to get me a hot Latina prostitute for one hour. Well, she was older than she was hot. I had her sit on my face and came almost immediately. I came so hard my face got all screwed up and my eyes crossed and when she saw how stupid i looked she laughed at me which made me come even more. We spent the other 58 minutes laying on her bed and looking at social media on our phones in silence. It was a true girlfriend experience.