dreams fade away in synch with channels changing. on channel 5 flashing images of scrawny black kids wearing huge over-sized tuxedos spliced with hardcore gay amputee porno, boy CNN is really letting its programming go. keep the volume on mute to concentrate on melting into the void further.

I put out a personal on craigslist in the ‘casual encounters’ section with the title ‘Looking For Girls to Fart On Me’

In the ad I write ‘I am a 26 year old drug and disease free white man named Stan and I am looking for girls to fart on me, all over my body but mostly my face, while wearing tight spandex pants of any color’.

I specify 18-55 as the preferred age range and say that they must shower before hand and I will return the favor.

My dick gets hard as I type out the ad and midway through writing it I start to shiver uncontrollably and my hands go numb and I start to sweat heavily and this might be an acid flashback so I hurry up and finish the ad off by saying ‘you don’t have to touch my dick if you don’t want to but I will not stop you if you try’ then I put Bensonhurst as my location and submit the ad then I get the cigar box from under my futon and take out a small baggie of coke, an AOL free trial CD, my school MetroCard and the hollowed body of a Bic pen that I’ve cut in half then empty out 2 medium sized rails worth of C onto the AOL case and start fixing them up with the metro card and before I snort the first line I check my email and there’s already like 5 responses to my ad, four of which are probably robots, so I rip the rails then click on the first response.

i cry a lot and feel real bad but then i get real high and smoke a bowl for 3 hours straight while watching the home shopping network and infomercials that make me horny and i masturbate to one of them about brazilian butt lifting but my dick hole burns when i come and it also burns when i pee and then i start feeling like i constantly have to pee but no pee comes out so i stand over the toilet for an hour while every now and then one sad drop of pee comes out and at some point i think i might start peeing blood but i never do so i start crying again then take another shower…    

I’m gonna kill myself this time, I swear it. But first I just wanna use the bathroom to pee. And also I’d like to perfectly arrange all the shoes in my closet by size, color and brand just one last time. Then I’m going to kill myself for sure. Although I did want to get caught up on some TV shows. And jerk off. But before I do that I should probably download the newest MomPOV porn clips. OK, so in an hour, after those are done downloading, and 2 minutes after that when I’m done jerking off, I’ll kill myself. I do tend to get hungry after jerking off though. Maybe I’ll get some taco’s first. Although I’ll probably end up overeating again, at which point I’ll be too full to kill myself, so I’ll have to smoke a little pot to soothe my fat bloated stomach. And since I’ll be getting high i might as well start watching those TV shows but half way through watching I’ll probably get horny and have to jerk off again but this time I won’t download any new mompov porn, this way it’ll take probably take closer to 5 minutes to finish instead of the usual 2, and as soon as I’m done doing all that… then I’ll kill myself.
…Although back to back jerk off sessions do seem to make me very tired. Maybe I’ll just go to sleep after. Then when I wake up, that’ll be the perfect time to kill myself. But then it’ll be time for work and my work ethic is so great and I don’t like to let my underappreciative boss down so I guess maybe I’ll just work the day out. Then when I get home I’ll finally kill myself.
But first I’ll probably have to pee again.

Part 2

the vagina is pulsating and alive as she repeatedly crashes down onto my face, it opens up, smiles then grins its menacing teeth as it drools all over me, taunts me then says in a satanic voice, “you worthless shit, i’m going to eat your dick”
“Good. I want you to.” Its hairs grow, transform into vines that wrap themselves around my neck and they feel like icy fingers, i start to choke, feels good, i want to die, people are watching, laughing, crying, various fluids fly through the air as her fat ass settles down on to my face, crushes the life from me, i hard french kiss her pussy, stick my tongue deep in it, taste the sickly sweet juice inside, i bite her clit very hard and she squeezes my balls in return which makes me bite her harder which makes her squeeze more, an endless pain/pleasure cycle and everything goes black as i lose my vision but then the blackness turns into spirals of neon color, flowers blossom then die, a baby cries, her pussy bites me back and a sitcom laugh track plays loudly as i insert my entire head into her.

then i look at gore on the internet and get on a huge ISIS kick and watch videos of:

  • them playing soccer with severed heads,
  • children decapitating men,
  • men getting their hands cut off by huge rusty scimitars in front of like a million people in some shithole dusty town square in Assfuckistan

and

  • endless montages of them firing big guns and missiles at nothing in particular and saying ‘allahu akbar allahu akbar’ while doing the running man and other culturally outdated dance moves as their hadji nightmare theme music plays.

then i stumble on a bunch of snackbar fails which are like terrorist blooper videos of when their cannons and mortars backfire and they blow themselves up by accident and it’s hysterical and i laugh hysterically every time one of them dies. It’s fucking hysterical.  

at 1:30 in the morning the acid kicks in and i start organizing reorganizing the clothes in my closet while grinding my teeth and listening to dubstep on headphones at full volume and when the beat drops i picture:

  • myself screaming at the top of my lungs,
  • my guts exploding,
  • children bathed in blood,
  • burning everything down with fire,
  • smiling awkwardly while posing for a picture next to my father’s tombstone when i was 15 as he rotted in the soil directly underneath my feet.

then i start to see the lights:

  • strobe lights,
  • flashing lights,
  • neon lights,
  • streaks of light going in every direction that all intersect at the crossroads of nothing and forever.

then i organize reorganize the massive porno collection on my computer and jerk off for 3 hours straight but i can’t seem to come but then all of a sudden i manage to come out of nowhere even though i’m not even jerking off and my dick isn’t hard.

then i take a shower but i can’t feel the water so i take its word for it and look at the water with my eyes closed while scrubbing my asshole clean with unscented soap.