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I tell the whore to take her clothes off and lay on the bed and as she does so i sneak into the bathroom where i stare at myself in the mirror for so long that after a while the prostitute starts knocking on the bathroom door then in a motel housekeeper accent says, “meester di blasio, you come fuck me now?” I take off my freshly pressed and tailored mayoral suit, tie a barbed wire noose around my dick then break open the bathroom door with an ax while shouting “HEEEEEEEERES BILLYYYYYYY”. Two weeks later Consuelo Margarita Gonzalez is named new CEO and Chairwoman of the MTA.

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Lots of people get on the train and once they sit I begin playing a game of  ‘let’s see who’s going to shoot up the train today’. Obvious first contestant: smarmy Arab guy with a beard, dyed red and hanging down to his chest, pale skin, probably from one of the Stan-countries. He looks like a bad guy extra straight out of True Lies and I peak at his torso to see any signs of a suicide vest but feel mildly disappointed when I don’t. His pants are so short that i can see he doesn’t have a gun on his ankle. Most likely he represents no danger to me but I move to sit behind him anyway, just in case. It’s not that I care if he kills me, on the contrary, i hope he does, it’s just that i don’t want to be the first one to die because the first person to die in a mass shooting never sees it coming and when the motherfuckers finally do come for me I want to look them right in the eyes when they do me. I probably got too high this morning. My eyes feel watery. I’m forgetting to blink. My irregular heartbeat acts up. I snap out of it and take out my phone, log the 15 calories worth of unsweetened almond milk I had in my coffee this morning into my calorie counting app, this despite emotionally eating over 4000 calories yesterday. I wanna be sexually dominated by every woman over 40 on this train, even the ones I don’t find sexually attractive. Maybe even especially them. Last night I fucked a Chinese whore at the rub and tug parlor on 18th avenue near the ghetto Chinese Buffet. The no frills condoms at the spa were cheap, unlubed jobs that were a little too small on me, which made my dick chafe and tugged on me painfully as I fucked Neiku, a flabby fifty something gook with yellow teeth. Despite the pain it still only took me 15 minutes to cum, even though I jerked off 17 times throughout the course of the day. I later found out via Google translate that Neiku meant ‘panty’ in mandarin, which was ironic because she didn’t wear any.